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The easiest thing ever to do in a relationship, be it a friendship, be it a marriage or a couple who have been together for some time, is to point the finger at the other person. The easiest thing to do is to spot the other person’s faults and contribution to the mess you’re in; and in all fairness; let’s be honest – that other person might have a hell of a lot of faults and contributions to the problems you are experiencing! But seeing as this is the easiest reaction to the problem, this is the one thing we do fairly quickly and often without letting up. These are the things we end up focusing on completely and without fail and it almost gets to a point where we are just waiting for this other person to make one of their usual mistakes so that we can again point it out to them by either verbally/physically attacking them or by getting all upset and withdrawing even further or even by getting all emotionally upset and starting yet another set of crying displays. The list of reactions goes on and on and on.

Young children are; more often than not, better at adapting to change than older children, especially teenagers. But all children need a sense of safety and structure. When introducing your new partner to your children; remember that a teenager would probably be more angry and resistant than a young child. Your child’s ability to handle emotions and life changes will also be dependent on their developmental phase. Don’t expect more than your child can give you. In explaining why this new person is coming into your life, note that young children might not understand it and older children might not accept it.

Most people get a knot in their stomach when they think about introducing there new partner to their children. So many things can go wrong…What if they don’t like him? What if he ends up not liking them? How am I supposed to choose? I’ve got good news, you don’t have to choose. You can have both romantic love and the love of your children.

“How do I know that this relationship I am in; is a good one?” is a question that we at the Vita Nova counselling center are often asked.  The mere fact that the questions is asked in the first place, shows that so many people are genuinely confused about what makes a relationship a good one.

In many ways though, the answer will depend, to a large extent, on the specific individual asking the question. We all need different things when it comes to relationships, but, there are certain universal principles, or actions, that I feel, should be part and parcel of your relationship, if you would like to be one of those seemingly “lucky” couples who has it all. 

I see clients – on a daily basis – who are so stuck in their patterns of interaction and communication, so absolutely lost and who see no way out…and my answer is: what you've been trying up to now, has not been working. So try something else… change has to start somewhere… YOU are the only one that you can change and control and can influence completely… so why not TRY and start with YOU… that would, at the very least, be a start…

It is easy to forgive the stranger who profusely apologised right after bumping you with a shopping cart in the store. Or the person who spilled his drink on the floor right next to you, almost soaking your trousers and leaving a ghastly stain… certainly way easier than forgiving you partner for his/her “sins”… no matter how profuse the apology might be…

A Value can be defined as something of importance. It is the quality or the worth of a thing. So what does this mean for families of today? Family Values would then be defined as what is valuable in our families. Values can also vary from characteristics such as good manners to traditions and even household duties or chores

Liefde is alles behalwe `n blote gevoel. Liefde is `n keuse, dit is `n besluit wat jy elke dag opnuut moet neem, veral wanneer dit swaar gaan! Liefde is` n werkwoord! Anders as verliefdheid, is liefde nie `n “toestand” waaraan ons uitgelewer is nie. Wanneer ons verlief is, is die wêreld `n pragtige plek, daardie persoon is die “beste ding wat ooit met ons kon gebeur”, hy het geen foute nie en sal ook nooit hê nie.

It’s true that money can’t buy love, but I am sure that it wouldn't come as a big surprise to learn that financial differences in relationships are one of the major role players when it comes to unhappiness or arguments between couples.

When you're angry, hurt or frustrated, the immediate natural instinctive reaction is to self-defend or launch a brutal attack of your own. But if you can manage to override this natural; self-destructive urge to do so, and focus on communicating your feelings, you have already gained a lot. 

Now for the interesting question regarding bullying: why is it that a certain behavior, such as bullying, will happen over and over again and is hard to quit even though the consequences are by far more negative than positive? Even the bully knows this and often regrets his or her behavior in retrospect. 

The word bullying seems to fit better with a playground incident between school children than it would in a conflict situation between two adults who perceive themselves to be in a loving relationship. 
However, if we understand what it means to bully, maybe we can make more sense of certain relationship patterns which often become destructive for the individuals involved and their relationship. 

Mojo is nie net my hond nie, Mojo is ook my assistent terapeut. Ek sien hoe die lig weer in kinders se ogies terugkom wanneer hulle hom sien, rond jaag en vashou. Ek is gelukkig dat Mojo ‘n natuurlike goeie terapiehondjie is. Hy geniet die kinders net so baie soos wat hulle hom geniet. Ek, die kind en Mojo vorm ‘n spannetjie: ‘n spannetjie wat lag, wat leer en wat ontwikkel.

Ouers kom sien my gereeld met die kommer dat hulle kinders afgeknou word. Afknouery is ongelukkig ‘n groot probleem in ons samelewewing en dit word net erger. Die afknouery vind gewoonlik by die kind se skool plaas wat dit soms moeilik maak om aan te spreek. Dit is baie moeilik vir die ouers en ook vir die kinders om te hanteer. Hulle voel gewoonlik hulpeloos en magteloos om die afknouery te stop en talle ouers weet nie watter kant toe om te gaan nie. Met hierdie artikel wil ek graag vir ouers ‘n paar riglyne gee wat gevolg kan word ten einde die situasie beter te kan hanteer.

Once the relationship is “stuck“ in the chronic anger cycle partners dig their heels in the ground and struggle to listen and understand each other because each partner is consumed with his or her own pain and discomfort due to experiencing a lack of understanding and personal value in the relationship. It is difficult to support others when you experience living life in “crisis mode.“

The secret to sincere forgiveness lays in understanding that forgiveness is a process. It is a choice that you have to make over and over again.

One of the biggest mistakes we as individuals make in relationships is that we often fail to realise that the person we are involved with is a human being; and therefore an imperfect creature. We have such high expectations of married life and of our life partners in particular; that it often doesn't even take much to disappoint us. We often forget that, we ourselves are; in actual fact; imperfect creatures as well. If I look back over my life, the mistakes that I've made are plentiful indeed! It is therefore not a question of what to do IF one of you disappoints or hurts the other one… it's a question of how to handle the situation WHEN it happens.

The number of marriages that ends in divorce has increased rapidly together with the trauma that it creates for all the parties involved. When children are involved during a divorce, it becomes allot more complicated. How do we tell them? When do we tell them? Where are they going to stay? Do they have to change schools? A lot of planning needs to go into minimizing the traumatic impact that divorce will have on your children. During this article I will list some do's and don'ts regarding the handling of divorce with your children. 

“Quality time” is an informal reference to time spent with loved ones; such as close family, partners or friends that is in some way important, special, productive or profitable. It is time that is set aside for undivided attention to people that we love, in this case more specifically our partners. Quality time may also refer to time spent performing some favorite activities. 

Ek hanteer gereeld ouers wat deur onderwysers gebel word met probleme oor hulle kinders. Dit is gewoontlik vir die ouers baie sleg wanneer hulle kinders gereeld in die moeilikheid by die skool is. Sommige ouers voel onmiddelik skuldig en hulle voel dat hulle slegte ouers is. Wanneer die ouers direk geblameer word vir die kind se negatiewe gedrag, neig die ouers om minder positief te reageer. Wanneer die situasie sensitief deur die skool hanteer word en die ouers nie voel dat hulle blameer word nie, reageer hulle gewoontlik beter. Wat is egter toepaslike maniere om hierdie kwessie aan te spreek?

“Wat is ‘n spelterapeut? Help jy kinders met spelling?” is vragies wat ek gereeld in my praktyk (in Pretoria Oos) hoor. Die konsep van spel kan verwarrend wees vir ouers en met hierdie artikel wil ek poog om spelterapie, asook die terapeutiese proses wat ek met kinders volg te bespreek. Ek sal ook die verskil tussen spelterapie, arbeidsterapie en spraakterapie uitlig.

We enter into a relationship with the hope, the idea and the expectation that this other person will – without fail – be the answer to all our prayers. He/she will miraculously be able to meet any and every need of ours, as and when it arises. The problem is your partner enters this relationship with the same expectations of you, but with his/her own unique set of needs. What we end up with in effect – is almost a situation of 2 people sitting around waiting for the other person to fulfill all their needs, waiting for the other one to start making them happy…

As individuals some of us don’t like routine and find it boring and predictable. Children however need the predictability and safety that a routine provides. It is an important part in the development of your child, even if you, as a parent, don’t like routine. I remember as a child my mother often forgot to pick us up from school.

Be wary of the information you give. When someone dies, don't for example say; Granny went to sleep. The child might be scared of going to sleep or fearful of Mommy and Daddy not waking up again. When someone died in hospital, make sure that the child understands that it's not the going to hospital that is the cause of this person never returning, it's the being so ill that no one was able to help.

In my praktyk kry ek gereeld vrae van ouers rakende hulle kinders se ontwikkeling. Ouers stel belang daarin om te weet wat om van hulle kinders te verwag en verkeerde inligting kan beide die ouers en die kinders se ontwikkeling benadeel. Met hierdie reeks artikels wil ek graag vir ouers goed nagevorsde inligting gee ten einde hulle vrae te beantwoord en hul by te staan in die verstaan van hul kinders. 

Everyone at many different points in their lives, will either have to ask forgiveness or be in a position where they have to decide whether or not to forgive. If you think back through the week that has passed; chances are that you found yourself on either sides of the coin on several different occasions. And because we understand all too well what it's like to be in need of forgiveness, it could be assumed that forgiving someone else should come quite easily…right?

Often, though, we find that parents seem to be very loving and attentive caregivers, but still have a child who acts out at school; in this case the behavior could be an indication of something else being wrong; be it trauma or something that upsets or frustrates the child – children often don’t have the same verbal capability in expressing emotions the we as adults are supposed to have, so they will act it out, rather than verbally tell you that something is wrong