1.) How would you define family values?
A Value can be defined as something of importance. It is the quality or the worth of a thing. So what does this mean for families of today? Family Values would then be defined as what is valuable in our families. Values can also vary from characteristics such as good manners to traditions and even household duties or chores.
2.) What role should parents play in instilling good family values in their children?
It should be up to the parents and entirely the parent's responsibility to instil good values in their families. Who else is going to do it? Parents seem to put a lot of effort into their careers and sometimes even put their careers first before their own families. The workplace seems to make more and more demands on them. When this happens they often expect the teachers or schools to enforce certain values (especially ones like religion, discipline, respect, etc) and even expect others to raise their children (nannies, au pairs, etc). Schools are institutions. It should not be entirely up the them to instil the value but rather to continue to uphold already taught values. It would be a good idea to look for schools that apply some of your values such as Christian schools for Christian believers.
We need to focus on getting back to basic values and instilling these back in our families. They don't just happen. Yes they take some effort, constant effort, and we need to be firm in enforcing them sometimes. But it is up to the parents to do this. Both parents need to work at enforcing these values. It should be a team effort and not just by one parent all the time. It can be done. It might even seem mechanical at first but will soon become a way of life. Consistency is the key.
3.) Would you say that family values contribute to how children turn out as adults?
Definitely. If you take values such as manners, respecting people that are older than you, or being courteous to others. These stay with us and become part of our personality. One would think that these are things that children just learn but this is not so. We have to teach it to them. A lot of what we teach our children is what they see us do as parents (or adults). They know that they are growing up to be adults and they often look up to their parents as heroes, putting them on pedestals. They want to aspire to be like their parents, so we need to be able to live out some of those important values too.
4.) Is it important to carry the same family values from one generation to another?
Yes and no. What's important is for each spouse to reflect on their own childhood and find which values were important to them. Then together they could discuss which of these are important to each parent and to them as a couple and even maybe come up with new ones. This is especially important for inter cultural marriages (English or Afrikaans couples as well as Zulu/Xhosa couples, etc.). And let's face it, there are PLENTY of those these days! From then you can pass down some that worked or you think will work. There is often a blurred line between values and traditions. They do go hand in hand though and traditions can definitely be passed down from one generation to the next.
5.) What examples of family values can you give us?
As previously mentioned: manners, respect for others, religious views and rituals, communication (how we talk to each other, address each other, have arguments or resolve conflict, etc.) in the family, time (how should we spend it as a family?), showing affection and love towards each other inw the family, having meals together around a table (TV OFF!). Just to mention a few.
6.) Children can be quite difficult creatures. hat's the best way of dealing with a defiant child when it comes to family values.
The parents need to assess what the child is being defiant about. They also need to focus on what's important and choose their battles. If the value of sitting around the table while eating supper is important then keep that as the focus. Don't worry too much about how much food the child has eaten or how the child is sitting at the table. This is a difficult one for toddlers, but if parents stick to this routine at every mealtime, their children will see that this is how it's going to be. Again, they will learn from their parent’s behaviour.