True Love or Trauma Bond – Are You Trauma Bonded?

By |2020-03-30T13:16:34+02:00Mar 30th, 2020|

A trauma bond can be thought of as running on a never-ending hamster wheel, where periods of intermittent reinforcement (love, promises and kindness) are combined with periods of physical, emotional and psychological abuse. The more you want to get off the hamster wheel, the more you feel confined to the wheel and trapped in the movement to keep running. The cycle becomes toxic as the need to regain the feelings of infatuation that were felt at the beginning of the relationship, leads the victim to repeatedly forgive their partner in order to return to the good feelings associated with the relationship.

Hou jou kind so besig gedurende hierdie tyd van sosiale issolasie #COVID-19

By |2020-03-26T20:05:44+02:00Mar 26th, 2020|

Sosiale issolasie is op almal se lippe en vir almal van ons met kinders beteken dit een ding. Ons moet op “stock” op “snacks” en by bly met aktiwiteite om ons kinders besig te hou!! Alhoewel sommige ouers baie kreatief is en dit geniet om nuwe speletjies uit te dink is dit vir ander ‘n groot kopseer.

Online sessions with Vita Nova Counsellors & Humanitas Students

By |2020-03-23T00:08:25+02:00Mar 23rd, 2020|

We understand the current situation is causing a lot of fear, anxiety and stress and we would like to assist as far as possible. Under normal circumstances, we would prefer to offer counselling sessions in person. Seeing as social distancing is the responsible reaction to the situation at hand, we have decided to make our sessions available online.

The “perfect parent”

By |2020-03-11T16:02:44+02:00Mar 11th, 2020|

Does being a good mom mean that you pack the perfect lunch box, does it mean that you serve on all the “mommy committee’s” available, does it mean that you never miss a cricket or tennis match or does it mean that your house is always tidy and you’re children are excelling in academics or sport activities??  Unfortunately to some extent these are the measures you’re being “judged” on if you are a parent in the year 2020 and for a lot of mommies this makes sense.  We live in a world that is performance based, that is, if you do not excel in something you are seen as a failure.

Separation anxiety – How do I drop my toddler off at preschool?

By |2020-01-08T18:38:47+02:00Jan 8th, 2020|

Most importantly: keep yourself calm and controlled! A child looks at his/her parent's reaction to determine the degree of threat. If he/she sees that you are clearly upset, emotional and crying, he/she will respond accordingly. Try to stay calm, relaxed and friendly when you and your child separate, it will automatically make him/her feel more calm and safe.

Matriekskryf is nie kinderspeletjies nie

By |2019-12-21T06:06:07+02:00Dec 16th, 2019|

‘n Mens kan een van hoofsaaklik twee situasies in jou huis hê. Alle matrikulante is; hoe sal ‘n mens sê, nie so leergierig as die ander nie… terwyl ander dag en nag studeer. Tot so ‘n mate dat die hele gesin naderhand gespanne is. Wanneer ‘n mens ‘n paar jaar later terugkyk, giggel jy in jou mou, maar defnitief nie terwyl dit aan die gebeur is nie.

My shame to an adventure of a lifetime – an article on Guilt and Shame

By |2019-11-12T08:17:36+02:00Nov 11th, 2019|

This shame and guilt led me to question everything in my life and led me to being more vulnerable to myself and to others. Brene Brown states; “The ability to hold something we've done or failed to do up against who we want to be is incredibly adaptive. It's uncomfortable but it's adaptive.”

My Child is Gay, What did I do Wrong?

By |2019-09-28T19:17:37+02:00Sep 24th, 2019|

So your child comes to you and tells you he is gay or she is lesbian. You feel that the earth has dropped out from under your feet. You look at them and try to read their faces. A million questions go through your mind. You look at them and wait, are they joking? Your mind screams, “Please just laugh and say I’m only joking”. It does not come. You realise this is real. You feel for a moment you’re in a Mexican standoff.

Children and Social Media

By |2019-09-24T16:49:03+02:00Aug 4th, 2019|

Your child cannot see the person at the other end of the computer. There is no way for children to know who they are talking to. The paedophile will start an innocent conversation with your child. They are very good at posing as young children and are up to date with what children like, are interested in and the latest trends. At first, the questions will be innocent and seemingly harmless.

The valuable role grandparents play in a child’s life

By |2019-08-01T20:47:19+02:00Aug 1st, 2019|

My husband and I are in the fortunate position where both our parents are alive and involved in our child’s life. Although they live far away, we ensure that they visit us regularly or we try to visit them as often as possible. Whenever I see our little one interacting with her grandparents I am in awe of the total bliss and delight both parties experience. It made me realize just how important this intergenerational relationship is and how much everyone involved can benefit from it.

How on earth do I keep all the balls in the air? When motherhood becomes just too much.

By |2019-08-10T13:58:23+02:00Jun 20th, 2019|

Oh, but the TIREDNESS. I will never forget. Never ever, ever, ever!! It lasted for 18 years (sorry my dearest sisters). One night I woke up and I couldn’t find my sweetheart last born - oh my freak! She was lying on the carpet! What was happening to me? How did she land there? Was I going to be arrested for child abuse? I could just see the headlines: “Social worker abandons newborn on floor”.

Parents; do you speak love?

By |2019-05-02T18:59:21+02:00Feb 11th, 2019|

It is well known that no two children are the same, not even when from the same parents. The same is true for the love language of your child. Every child perceive, understand and show love in different ways. What is important for one child, may not even be noticed by another child. And that is exactly where miscommunication and misunderstanding easily happens. 

Jou kind se emosionele behoeftes – en die grootste hiervan is die LIEFDE

By |2019-07-07T12:53:58+02:00Feb 11th, 2019|

Mia Keller Pringle het in 1996 kinders se 5 basiese emosionele behoeftes omsrkyf waarvan LIEFDE volgens my die belangrikste is. 'n Kind wat onvoorwaardelike liefde ervaar, reeds vanaf voor geboorte af, het 'n emosionele voorsprong op alle vlakke, want kyk as jy weet jy is geliefd by die huis kan die lewe maar kom - ek het 'n vangnet wat vir my die nodige selfvertroue gee om alle uitdagings te hanteer. Hoe dra ons daardie soort liefde oor?

Tieners, Stress en Temperament

By |2019-07-07T12:54:51+02:00Jan 16th, 2019|

Alle mense het ‘n sekere vlak van stress of uitdagings nodig om optimaal te kan funksioneer. Sonder enige uitdagings gaan niemand hul volle potensiaal besef en bereik nie. Party kinders kan egter stress beter hanteer as ander. Spanning en angs kan ‘n destruktiewe effek op ‘n tiener se emosionele gesondheid hê en kan selfs lei to angs versteurings. Indien jy as ouer bekommerd is dat jou kind ‘n angs versteuring ontwikkel is dit beter om professionele hulp in te kry sodat hy of sy die regte hulp ontvang.

Skeidingsangs – Hoe gee ek my kleuter af by die skool?

By |2019-07-07T12:56:14+02:00Jan 8th, 2019|

Die belangrikste van alles: hou jouself kalm en beheerd! ‘n Kind kyk na sy ouer se reaksie om die mate van bedreiging te bepaal. As hy sien jy is duidelik omgekrap, emosioneel en huilerig, gaan hy ook so reageer. Probeer kalm, ontspanne en vriendelik bly wanneer jy en jou kind skei, dit sal hom automaties meer kalm en veilig laat voel.

Wat is Spelterapie?

By |2019-07-07T12:57:42+02:00Nov 24th, 2018|

Spel word gesien as die universiele taal van kinders, afgesien van etiese herkoms, agtergrond of sosio-ekonomiese geskiedenis. Spel oftewel “speel” word beskou as kinders se woorde, kinders gebruik spel in dieselfde manier as wat volwassenes woorde gebruik. Dikwels speel kinders hul probleme of emosies op ‘n simboliese manier uit, om sodoende hulself uit te druk.

Exam tips

By |2019-05-02T19:03:39+02:00Nov 12th, 2018|

One of the biggest mistakes we as parents can ever make, is making our children feel that our love for them and our acceptance of them depends on academic achievement. Your child needs to know that,no matter what, they are enough. It's so easy to compare our children with other kids and setting our expectations of them, based on other children's achievements and capabilities. Don't do this – every child differs and you need to help your child understand that his/her best really is good enough. Praise best effort, not high marks!