The “Perfect Parent”

Lately I’ve been confronted with the following question, what is does it take to be a good mom?

Does being a good mom mean that you pack the perfect lunch box, does it mean that you serve on all the “mommy committee’s” available, does it mean that you never miss a cricket or tennis match or does it mean that your house is always tidy and you’re children are excelling in academics or sport activities??  Unfortunately, to some extent; these are the measures you’re being “judged” on if you are a parent in the year 2020 and for a lot of mommies this makes sense.  We live in a world that is performance based, that is, if you do not excel in something you are seen as a failure. Something else I’ve noticed amongst parents nowadays is that it is almost a status quo to be able to say that: “ i am so BUSY, I don’t have enough hours in my day.” It seems to me that people reason that the busier you are the more productive you are and therefore you are obviously a good parent.

Am I the only parent out there who thinks that it is absurd that you’re mommy skills are being judged on how well your child performs or how “busy” you are? I am also aware that today’s lifestyle is more fast paced than a decade or two ago. In my opinion it is about priorities. If you do have a busy schedule, you will need to prioritize and set time aside to spend with your loved ones. Do not allow external factors to determine whether you are a good parent or not.  Being a good parent is so much more. In my opinion, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. As long as you are trying your best and willing to learn, you are on the right road to being a good parent.

I believe that being a good parent is being an emotionally involved and constant parent:

* Being involved does not mean that you volunteer at all the school activities, being emotionally involved means that you are emotionally connected and in check with your child’s needs. It means that you spend time with your child in their world, in practice it would mean that you do (fun) things with them that they get to choose to do. It means that if they have had a bad day you are not too busy to notice it. It means that you create an environment where your child feels safe enough to try new things but to know that if they fail, they will still be loved. In short it comes down to creating an environment of unconditional love.

*In addition to unconditional love, a good parent is a constant parent, which implies that you are their constant in an ever changing world. Being a constant parent is to be consistent in your parenting, in your discipline, rules and in your love. This makes children feel safe.

* Something else I’ve noticed is that parents tend to try and keep their children constantly busy with activities, trying to stimulate them so that they can reach the ever daunting developmental milestones everyone is talking about. Mommy, I have some news for you, PLAY IS A CHILD’S LANGUAGE. Children should be allowed to have free time to play and to be creative. If children have rigid schedules and do not get the time to free play they do not get the opportunity to use their imagination which in turns negatively impacts their creativity.

I want to challenge the mommies out there, rather than focusing on your child’s grades and extra mural activities spend time with your child, rather than focusing on being so busy start enjoying your child for they will not be little for much longer.

If I had my child to raise over again:

“If I had my child to raise over again,
I’d built self-esteem first and the house later
I’d finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I’d take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites
I’d stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze more at stars
I’d do more hugging an less tugging
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I’d model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love”.

For any parenting tips contact Heske at Vita Nova at 0605063455