VitanovaPTA

Ek hanteer gereeld ouers wat deur onderwysers gebel word met probleme oor hulle kinders. Dit is gewoontlik vir die ouers baie sleg wanneer hulle kinders gereeld in die moeilikheid by die skool is. Sommige ouers voel onmiddelik skuldig en hulle voel dat hulle slegte ouers is. Wanneer die ouers direk geblameer word vir die kind se negatiewe gedrag, neig die ouers om minder positief te reageer. Wanneer die situasie sensitief deur die skool hanteer word en die ouers nie voel dat hulle blameer word nie, reageer hulle gewoontlik beter. Wat is egter toepaslike maniere om hierdie kwessie aan te spreek?

“Wat is ‘n spelterapeut? Help jy kinders met spelling?” is vragies wat ek gereeld in my praktyk (in Pretoria Oos) hoor. Die konsep van spel kan verwarrend wees vir ouers en met hierdie artikel wil ek poog om spelterapie, asook die terapeutiese proses wat ek met kinders volg te bespreek. Ek sal ook die verskil tussen spelterapie, arbeidsterapie en spraakterapie uitlig.

We enter into a relationship with the hope, the idea and the expectation that this other person will – without fail – be the answer to all our prayers. He/she will miraculously be able to meet any and every need of ours, as and when it arises. The problem is your partner enters this relationship with the same expectations of you, but with his/her own unique set of needs. What we end up with in effect – is almost a situation of 2 people sitting around waiting for the other person to fulfill all their needs, waiting for the other one to start making them happy…

As individuals some of us don’t like routine and find it boring and predictable. Children however need the predictability and safety that a routine provides. It is an important part in the development of your child, even if you, as a parent, don’t like routine. I remember as a child my mother often forgot to pick us up from school.

Be wary of the information you give. When someone dies, don't for example say; Granny went to sleep. The child might be scared of going to sleep or fearful of Mommy and Daddy not waking up again. When someone died in hospital, make sure that the child understands that it's not the going to hospital that is the cause of this person never returning, it's the being so ill that no one was able to help.

In my praktyk kry ek gereeld vrae van ouers rakende hulle kinders se ontwikkeling. Ouers stel belang daarin om te weet wat om van hulle kinders te verwag en verkeerde inligting kan beide die ouers en die kinders se ontwikkeling benadeel. Met hierdie reeks artikels wil ek graag vir ouers goed nagevorsde inligting gee ten einde hulle vrae te beantwoord en hul by te staan in die verstaan van hul kinders. 

Everyone at many different points in their lives, will either have to ask forgiveness or be in a position where they have to decide whether or not to forgive. If you think back through the week that has passed; chances are that you found yourself on either sides of the coin on several different occasions. And because we understand all too well what it's like to be in need of forgiveness, it could be assumed that forgiving someone else should come quite easily…right?

Often, though, we find that parents seem to be very loving and attentive caregivers, but still have a child who acts out at school; in this case the behavior could be an indication of something else being wrong; be it trauma or something that upsets or frustrates the child – children often don’t have the same verbal capability in expressing emotions the we as adults are supposed to have, so they will act it out, rather than verbally tell you that something is wrong

Die vrouens voel mans het net seks op die brein, maak nie saak of hulle n ontsaglike argument gehad het vroeer die dag nie, vanaand sal manlief sy “luck probeer”. Mans voel weer hulle loop op eiers en moet heeltyd die “water toets” – is dit nou okay vanaand of nie. En omdat hulle gehoor het dat vrouens nie soos n ligskakelaar net aan skakel nie, probeer hulle sommer al die onderwerp vroegoggend aanspreek om sodoende hopenlik teen vanaand die skakelaar al so semi aan te hê

Besef dat n gesonde en bevredigende verhouding, twee gelukkige en tevrede individue vereis, so kyk daagliks uit vir kleindingetjies wat jy kan doen om vir jou maat te wys sy/hy is vir jou belangrik.

In the field of linguistics a single language might have five different dialects and likewise the love language of physical touch can be expressed in a variety of ways. The need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need; hence if you give your spouse their primary love language in heavy doses, the other four can just be sprinkled in.

Kinders wat se emosionele emmer vol is, het minder probleme met hulle emosionele ontwikkeling. Hulle leer dat hulle ouers vir hulle onvoorwaardelik lief is en ervaar hulle wereld as veilig. Wanneer 'n kind sy wereld as veilig ervaar, het hy/sy die selfvertroue om die wereld te leer ken en om te ontwikkel in verantwoordelike volwassenes. 

Ons wil dit nie altyd erken nie, maar al ons verhoudings is egter behoefte gedrewe. Ons sal nie met iemand in 'n verhouding tree, hetsy romanties, vriendskaplik of professioneel as ons behoeftes nie daardeur aangespreek word nie. Alle mense het fisiese, kognitiewe, emosionele, sosiale en geestelike behoeftes. Wat ons presies nodig het sal egter van mens tot mens verskil.

As a play therapist I often ask myself the question “What can I give each child that I see?” and “What do they really need to be happy?” When we think about what we need to be happy and to keep our emotional buckets full, I'm sure that our answers will be different. It is therefore safe to say that children also need different things to be happy. We must always remember that our children are not little replicas of us, but unique little individuals. In this article I will talk about what children generally need to be happy and how to apply it to your children.

Loss is never easy. We can't always predict or control it. We need to be aware of our own reactions to loss. Children learn from us and look up to us. If the adults in their life are stuck in the grieving process they will also be stuck.

You fall in love with the perfect person; he is everything you want from a life partner. Sure he has a couple of kids, but that’s no big deal…right?

Wrong.

Raising step-children is not an easy task. So many aspects complicate the situation. Take roles for example; his kids already have a mother…so where do you fit in? Are you a friend, a parent, an outsider…?

Expectations also play a huge role here: In your perfect world, you and your partner will function as a unit, with regards to disciplining, parenting, laying down the law…

Here are a few questions regarding raising step-children ….

Selfbeeld begin al baie vroeg in n kind se lewe te vorm. Kinders neem die boodskappe van primere versorgers, internaliseer dit en maak dit deel van die eie-ek. Later raak maatjies se boodskappe belangrik asook onderwysers en ander belangrike mense in hul lewens. Op n punt moet hulle wel instaat wees om n eksterne boodkap te neem, op te weeg en dan te kan besluit of hierdie boodskap wel op hulle van toepassing is of nie.

The one thing that has stood out for me these couple of weeks is the fact that; everyone agrees and understands that forgiveness is, in actual fact, a choice that has to be made; something that has to be decided on, and then implemented.  This idea of forgiveness as a choice was not something that all my clients believed or supported when sitting down at the beginning of our sessions though.

Kinders word ongelukkig nie met ‘n goeie selfbeeld gebore nie en talle aspekte kan die ontwikkeling van ‘n goeie selfbeeld in kinders benadeel. Dit is grootliks die taak van die ouers om ‘n goeie selfbeeld in kinders te bou. Soos kinders egter ouer raak, speel ander persone soos onderwysers en maats ook 'n rol in selfbeeld ontwikkeling. Hierdie aspekte is moeilik vir ouers om te beheer, maar indien ouers reeds 'n positiewe selfbeeld in hul kinders ontwikkel het, sal dit vir kinders makliker wees om negatiewe aspekte van buite positief te hanteer.

One day you can imagine moving on, the next you are angry at everyone, yourself included, the next day you can’t stop crying. This is normal – every person grieves differently. It’s important to note as well, that you can’t really stick to a time line here. How long does it take to “get over someone?”…  It takes as long as it takes. 

Humour helps us cope. They refer to Victor Frankl as an example and explain how he describes his experience in the concentration camps during the Second World War and their dependence on humour to help them cope from one day to the next; in his book “Man’s search for meaning”. Drs Parrot suggests that we as couples find something to laugh about together at least once a day.

They are most definitely not the only ones who suggest laughing together as a way of strengthening relationships. Dr Harville Hendrix, the author of “Getting the love you want”, suggest that couples focus on incorporating a child-like fun element into their lives, at least once a week; and I quote: “this exercise is designed to intensify your emotional bond and deepen your feelings of safety and pleasure”.

When it comes to our physical needs, I am going to differentiate between our body’s physical- and health needs, our need for physical touch and also the role that emotions can play when it comes to the body. When we look at needs, we can distinguish between fore- and background needs. Your foreground need is your immediate need, for example hunger. When you’re foreground need is not met, your other needs will stay at the background, creating problems. Physical needs are often foreground needs and thus it’s very important to be aware them.

Your physical body- and health needs are very important.