Ons wil dit nie altyd erken nie, maar al ons verhoudings is egter behoefte gedrewe. Ons sal nie met iemand in 'n verhouding tree, hetsy romanties, vriendskaplik of professioneel as ons behoeftes nie daardeur aangespreek word nie. Alle mense het fisiese, kognitiewe, emosionele, sosiale en geestelike behoeftes. Wat ons presies nodig het sal egter van mens tot mens verskil.
As a play therapist I often ask myself the question “What can I give each child that I see?” and “What do they really need to be happy?” When we think about what we need to be happy and to keep our emotional buckets full, I'm sure that our answers will be different. It is therefore safe to say that children also need different things to be happy. We must always remember that our children are not little replicas of us, but unique little individuals. In this article I will talk about what children generally need to be happy and how to apply it to your children.
Loss is never easy. We can't always predict or control it. We need to be aware of our own reactions to loss. Children learn from us and look up to us. If the adults in their life are stuck in the grieving process they will also be stuck.
You fall in love with the perfect person; he is everything you want from a life partner. Sure he has a couple of kids, but that’s no big deal…right?
Wrong.
Raising step-children is not an easy task. So many aspects complicate the situation. Take roles for example; his kids already have a mother…so where do you fit in? Are you a friend, a parent, an outsider…?
Expectations also play a huge role here: In your perfect world, you and your partner will function as a unit, with regards to disciplining, parenting, laying down the law…
Here are a few questions regarding raising step-children ….
Selfbeeld begin al baie vroeg in n kind se lewe te vorm. Kinders neem die boodskappe van primere versorgers, internaliseer dit en maak dit deel van die eie-ek. Later raak maatjies se boodskappe belangrik asook onderwysers en ander belangrike mense in hul lewens. Op n punt moet hulle wel instaat wees om n eksterne boodkap te neem, op te weeg en dan te kan besluit of hierdie boodskap wel op hulle van toepassing is of nie.
The one thing that has stood out for me these couple of weeks is the fact that; everyone agrees and understands that forgiveness is, in actual fact, a choice that has to be made; something that has to be decided on, and then implemented. This idea of forgiveness as a choice was not something that all my clients believed or supported when sitting down at the beginning of our sessions though.
Ek besef dat alle kinders nie die voorreg het om troeteldiere te hê nie en dat daar sekerlik redes is waarom hulle dit nie kan he nie, maar ek wil graag met hierdie artikel die positiewe impak wat troeteldiere op kinders se lewens kan speel bespreek. Wanneer daar na die voordele van die mens-dier verhouding gekyk word, kan daar fisiese, emosionele en sosiale voordele geidentifiseer word.
Kinders word ongelukkig nie met ‘n goeie selfbeeld gebore nie en talle aspekte kan die ontwikkeling van ‘n goeie selfbeeld in kinders benadeel. Dit is grootliks die taak van die ouers om ‘n goeie selfbeeld in kinders te bou. Soos kinders egter ouer raak, speel ander persone soos onderwysers en maats ook 'n rol in selfbeeld ontwikkeling. Hierdie aspekte is moeilik vir ouers om te beheer, maar indien ouers reeds 'n positiewe selfbeeld in hul kinders ontwikkel het, sal dit vir kinders makliker wees om negatiewe aspekte van buite positief te hanteer.
One day you can imagine moving on, the next you are angry at everyone, yourself included, the next day you can’t stop crying. This is normal – every person grieves differently. It’s important to note as well, that you can’t really stick to a time line here. How long does it take to “get over someone?”… It takes as long as it takes.
Humour helps us cope. They refer to Victor Frankl as an example and explain how he describes his experience in the concentration camps during the Second World War and their dependence on humour to help them cope from one day to the next; in his book “Man’s search for meaning”. Drs Parrot suggests that we as couples find something to laugh about together at least once a day.
They are most definitely not the only ones who suggest laughing together as a way of strengthening relationships. Dr Harville Hendrix, the author of “Getting the love you want”, suggest that couples focus on incorporating a child-like fun element into their lives, at least once a week; and I quote: “this exercise is designed to intensify your emotional bond and deepen your feelings of safety and pleasure”.
When it comes to our physical needs, I am going to differentiate between our body’s physical- and health needs, our need for physical touch and also the role that emotions can play when it comes to the body. When we look at needs, we can distinguish between fore- and background needs. Your foreground need is your immediate need, for example hunger. When you’re foreground need is not met, your other needs will stay at the background, creating problems. Physical needs are often foreground needs and thus it’s very important to be aware them.
Your physical body- and health needs are very important.
Some books say, a firm hand when they are young, makes it easier when they are older, other books say, don’t crush their little spirits. Some say never ever humiliate a child by spanking him/her, others say a spanking now and again is sometimes all that is needed to open up those little ears…so the conundrum of this situation is apparent.
It is during the toddler stage that children really start developing a will of their own. They want to do things themselves and they want to do it their way. And this is a necessary stage to go, through! As is every other life stage. This, however, sets the stage perfectly for power struggles to occur, and power struggles lead to frustration, which in turn leads to a temper tantrum.
We all know that playing is an important part of childhood and learning, but can play also be potentially valuable to adults….? My answer is yes, it can be. Playing can bring you into contact with feelings, experiences and thoughts that you have forgotten, or suppressed. Playing with adults can also unlock creativity and healthy integration between your mind and your body.
As a play therapist I don’t necessarily have a problem with children having access to the internet, social networks and cell phones. My concern is how the access is being controlled? Can we really control what our children might be exposed to? How do we implement rules and boundaries?
It most definitely is a lifelong process, but I think prospective adoptive parents can prepare effectively by educating themselves better on the issue of adoption. There are plenty of resources available books written on the topic, a number of experts in the field or join a support group in your area – get some information from other families who have been through this.
Raising children is a challenge for all parents. Unfortunately there is no book that teaches you how to be the perfect parent. I believe that parents do what they can, and sometimes they make mistakes – we all do. Raising children in a single parent household can be more challenging because of the lack of support.
Acts of Service is one of the 5 Love Languages that Dr. Gary Chapman describes in his book. This love language is all about making the person feel loved by helping them in any way that you can. This type of person enjoys hearing the words, "how can I help you?" or "What could I do to make today easier for you?"
We can very easily forgive people for assuming that our system is just another reward chart; there are so many out there already, so we don’t blame you at all! The difference between our system and the everyday reward chart; lays not in the chart, but in the 16 page instruction manual and information brochure that is included in your starter pack. This is also the reason why we insist on clients buying the starter pack before they can buy charts individually.
According to the Thesaurus dictionary; a gift is something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation. Hence it is clear that a gift should be something that is not coerced, but something given freely and without preconceived expectations. In all cultures there is an aspect of gift giving and it is apparent that gift giving is a fundamental part showing our appreciation and/love.
Think of this as a way of expressing love emotionally because words speak to the soul. Tell your partner how much you love him/her, how much you appreciate their presence in your life, how beautiful, how handsome they are etc. Dr Chapman talks of King Solomon’s words of wisdom when Solomon said that “The tongue has the power of life and death”
For A young child, what my mommy and daddy think of me and my abilities – that's the truth. So I believe everything they say and think. If they say I'm the most beautiful little girl in the whole world – I know I am exactly that. So the parents are the primary influence on self-esteem and self-image
In die middelkinderjare begin jou kind se egosentrisme verminder en dit word vir hulle belangrik om in te pas. Hulle word meer bewus van verskillende sosiale rolle en begin van hierdie rolle aanneem. Jou kind wil dus deel van die gesin voel. Kinders wil help met verskillende take en dit is belangrik dat hulle doen aangesien dit hulle selfbeeld goed doen. Kinders het spasie nodig om te groei en te ontwikkel. Hulle het egter steeds voorspelbaarheid en goeie grense nodig…
Don't listen to your spouse while doing something else. Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. If you are doing something you are keenly interested in, you cannot turn from it immediately e.g. watching TV, reading newspaper. Tell your spouse the truth. “I know you are trying to talk to me and I am interested, I want to give you my full attention. I can’t do that right now, but if you give me ten minutes to finish this. I will sit down and listen to you”.
I start off by medicating the symptoms myself for a few days and try not to run too quickly to the doctor. I don't want to seem like a hypochondriac mom. But doubt has already set in and I start to question whether the medication is actually working. By the third or fourth day, my sick child is just about all I think about during my work day and all I seem to talk about.
