A Yiddish proverb says: “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul”
Proverbs 17: 22 (New Living translation) says: “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength” and we all know the saying “Laughter is the best medicine”. In fact quite a lot of studies have been done on the health benefits of laughter and the findings include; strengthening immune systems, lowering blood pressure, bettering sleep patterns, releasing endorphins…very positive and interesting indeed!
One of the above mentioned, amazing benefits of laughter is the fact that it releases endorphins in our brain. Endorphins are neurotransmitters that originate in various parts of our bodies, such as the pituitary gland and they interact with those regions of the brain that are mainly responsible for blocking pain and regulating emotions. Endorphins act similarly to chemical substances such as morphine and codeine, but unlike these drugs, endorphins do not lead to addiction or dependence. Another benefit of high levels of endorphins; according to www.medicinet.com; is that it results in people feeling less pain and experiencing fewer negative effects of stress. This is probably the driving principle behind “laughter therapy”, “laughter yoga” and even “laughter events” that seem to be popping up everywhere…
But can laughing together better my relationship with my partner?
I would like to answer that by saying that; one of the key elements that is missing in an unhappy relationship; is laughter. Now you might respond by thinking: “obviously – if my relationship is not going well, what is there to laugh about?” In my opinion, though; this is very much a chicken-egg question. Is less laughter a symptom of unhappy relationships, or is it a contributing factor to the emotional climate of the relationship…My opinion? –
Both of the above.
Let’s just look at two of the health benefits of laughing, mentioned in the beginning of the article; better sleep patterns and lowered stress levels. I would like to invite you to think back to a time in your life – maybe it’s now even – where sleep was regarded as an absolute luxury; one that was most difficult to acquire. Both my children were very bad little sleepers when they were still very young and sleep was something that was greatly a miss in my life! Maybe you experienced something similar during exam times, or periods at work where unrealistic and nearly unobtainable deadlines had to be met for work, add to that the stress experienced through it all…
Now think about your relationship at that point in time – could it be described as happy, carefree, healthy…? How much of the emotional state of your relationship could be attributed to your lack of sleep or your stress levels?
When we are overly tired, we are more irritable and we tend to snap at the people closest to us way quicker than usual. When we are stressed, we also tend to take it out on our loved ones; constantly screaming at them or dismissing them impatiently. I think everyone would agree with me that we tend to cause a lot of damage to our relationships when we are over tired or stressed.
Obviously; laughing together is not going to change your work situation or move your deadline on by a week. It is not going to turn your baby into a little six to eight hour – sleeper, but it can better your interaction and the emotional climate between you and your partner.
In their book: “Verryk jou huwelik” (enrich your marriage); Drs Les and Leslie Parrot devoted a whole chapter to explaining the benefits of humour and laughing together in a relationship. One of their focus points is that humour helps us cope. They refer to Victor Frankl as an example and explain how he describes his experience in the concentration camps during the Second World War and their dependence on humour to help them cope from one day to the next; in his book “Man’s search for meaning”. Drs Parrot suggests that we as couples find something to laugh about together at least once a day.
They are most definitely not the only ones who suggest laughing together as a way of strengthening relationships. Dr Harville Hendrix, the author of “Getting the love you want”, suggest that couples focus on incorporating a child-like fun element into their lives, at least once a week; and I quote: “this exercise is designed to intensify your emotional bond and deepen your feelings of safety and pleasure”. Although he doesn’t mention laughter outright here, I recommend; to my couples, that it has to include things that are so much fun, that laughter in inevitable.
In addition; emotions that we tend to associate with laughter include happiness, joy, well-being and excitement; to name but a few. If we take a look at general settings where laughter is sincere, heartfelt and in abundance; we would probably be focusing on settings where the individuals involved feel safe, relaxed and carefree.
Why not give this a try – start focusing on creating settings where you and your partner both feel safe, relaxed and carefree. Incorporate an element of fun and humour into your daily lives – rent a good comedy that both of you will enjoy. Or go to a live comedy show together. In so doing, it will add to emotions like happiness, joy, well-being and excitement in your relationship.
Try and see the lighter side of things when things don’t work out the way you planned – literally laugh it off. And I can almost guarantee the chicken and egg effect will start kicking in. More laughter, more happiness, better coping with stress, better sleeping patterns, more feelings of safety and security, better emotional connections; more laughter, more endorphins, better sleeping habits…
In his book “Live life well”; Dr W Alan Tomlinson says: “Laughter is a balm to the soul. It enlivens people and makes them feel good. Laughter acts as a magnet that draws people in. It motivates, helps resolve conflicts and shields hostility.”
So go. Live, Love and most of all…Laugh!