Do you ever feel really good when your loved one does something for you? This could be something as simple as doing the dishes, washing the car or preparing dinner. If you have answered yes to this then your love language could be “Acts of Service”.
Acts of Service is one of the 5 Love Languages that Dr. Gary Chapman describes in his book. This love language is all about making the person feel loved by helping them in any way that you can. This type of person enjoys hearing the words, “how can I help you?” or “What could I do to make today easier for you?”
If this is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing speaks as loudly as these acts of service. You may give him or her words of affirmation, but they are thinking, “Cut the talk. If you love me do something around here”. For these kinds of people, actions speak louder than words.
Think about how you feel when you go to a restaurant and the waiter say “may I take your order?” they say it with so much anticipation, as though they would rather take your order than do anything in the world. This is what your spouse whose love language is acts of service wants to hear from you. They need a helping hand with love and as you continue to serve with love you fill your spouse’s emotional bucket.
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. You need to show your spouse that you have put effort to what you have done not just doing it because it had to be done, however careful not to rub it in their faces because it loses meaning. “I Brought you breakfast in bed, so you owe me”.
Dr Chapman talks about acts of service as an expression of love, not slave driving. When we treat our spouses as slaves, we remove the possibility of love because we remove their freedom. Saying “if you were a good spouse you would do this for me” is not the language of love, but manipulation. If acts of service are to be acts of love, they must be freely given.
Here are some useful tips:
- During the cold months, put the towel in the dryer while the spouse is showering so that it is fluffy and warm when he/she gets out.
- Clean the kitchen or the bathroom
- Fix things that the other cannot fix
- Carry the Groceries
- Cook a special meal that you know he/she likes
- Fill up your spouse’s petrol tank without being asked
- Drop your spouse at the door when it is raining
- Buy or make lunch and bring to him/her at work (without being asked)