“Quality time” is an informal reference to time spent with loved ones; such as close family, partners or friends that is in some way important, special, productive or profitable. It is time that is set aside for undivided attention to people that we love, in this case more specifically our partners. Quality time may also refer to time spent performing some favorite activities.

However, we often make the mistake of thinking that quality time is limited to activities, whereas when you really think about it you would realize that something as simple as talking can also be regarded as quality time spent with our partners. I am talking about real engagement with your spouse – where you ask relevant questions and show deep interest in what your partner is saying.

Secondly; Active Listening: most of the time that we claim to be listening to our partners we are either doing the dishes, watching TV or reading the newspaper, whereas active listening is really paying attention, validating what the other person is saying and reflecting on their feelings without interfering. Yes, I know it’s hard, I often find myself battling with the urge to say something that excited me while my partner is talking about his day and the itch to interrupt is overwhelming. However it comes with practice.

<p”>This is about making the time to do things that secure our relationships, the same way that we make time for our jobs and everything else that matters in our lives. Schedule a weekend just for the two of you. Write it on your calendar; put it on your computer planner, your phone etc. Don't change it for any other event. You don't have to go anywhere.

Being married and living under the same roof does not guarantee that we will have quality time with one another. If you are both busy, you have to plan to spend time together. The planning on its own could also be turned into an activity that allows both of you to sit down together and share ideas on what your partner regards as quality time.

Remember; you perception of quality time may not always match that of your partner, hence one needs to verbalize needs, instead of just assuming that your partner knows what you like. However when your spouse asks you to consider something that he/she likes doing, you need to respect and validate what they are asking you in order to truly get how you can best satisfy his/her needs.

List all the things that you enjoy. Here are some ideas:

  • Spend 20 minutes in daily Dialogue
  • Arrange for a quiet evening once a week
  • Go for a walk every second Sunday
  • Take a shower together
  • Travel together whenever possible
  • Scrabble/Monopoly
  • Tennis

It is not about the length of the list, it is about togetherness and engagement; not just proximity, but focused attention. The goal is holistically putting it all together and loving the person that you are with. The whole process is a relationship, not a problem that needs to be solved or a project. Dr Gary Chapman, in his book ( The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate),999 emphasizes that for us to fill our spouses’ love tank we need to have a clear understanding of their love language, hence take the time to find out what your partner’s love language is and you will be surprised what a huge difference you will see in your relationship.

Also read: 
Love Languages – Physical Touch – By Tondani Mukhanu
Love Languages – Words of Affirmation – By Tondani Mukhanu 
Love Languages – The Gift Of Giving – By Tondani Mukhanu