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1. RAPE CAN’T BE ABOUT LOVE OR SEX FOR THAT MATTER – WHAT DRIVES PEOPLE TO RAPE?
In most cases rape is more about power than sex. When it comes to the sexual abuse of one assume the following:
• More often than not it is someone that is known to the family.
• The abuse seldom starts with rape – it usually starts with grooming (a process in which the person gets the child to trust him/her) sexual inappropriate behaviour (showing the child his/her genitalia, then molestation and then rape.
• In some cased the perpetrator convinces himself/herself that they are not hurting the child but showing the child affection.
• The perpetrator most likely has a history of childhood abuse – sexual or physical.
2. HOW DOES RAPE EFFECT THE CHILD VICTIM
The effect of rape/sexual abuse on the child depends on the following aspects:
• Age of the child – childhood trauma is more damaging to younger children because the incident influences the child’s cognitive and emotional development – trauma also causes damage to the brain and can delay normal development. The child also does not understand what’s going on and the act of rape will be physically very painful and damaging. This answer adds to question 3.
• Duration of abuse – the longer the child is exposed to the abuse, the more traumatized the child will be.
• Extent of the abuse – the more physical damage the incident does to the child, the more traumatic it will be.
• Identity of the perpetrator – when the child is abused by someone known to the child, the trauma is more severe.
• Level of threats – the presents of treats creates anxiety and fear within the child -the child feels trapped and helpless.
• Parental response to the incident – children's recovery is greatly enhanced when their parents believe them about the rape/abuse. An unresponsive parent or one that over – reacts can create more trauma. Keeping the secret into adulthood has many negative effects on the child's development.
Rape/sexual abuse can impact children in the following ways:
• Feelings of loss and powerlessness – loss of childhood – overwhelming feeling of mistrust and despair – loose natural flow of sexual development – when rape is coupled with affection the child loses the opportunity to be nurtured without exposure to sex.
• Fear – separation and abandonment
• Low self-esteem – I did not do it right, I deserved what happened to me.
• Anger and hostility – children are often not able to take their anger out on the perpetrator – this causes the child to take out his/her anger toward the parents, siblings, friends, teachers, etc. Some children take it out on themselves – depression and self-destruction.
• Guilt and shame – intense guilt – feels responsible
• Avoidance behaviour – limit intimacy and physical contact with others – child misses out on normal healthy contact with others.
• Developmental regression – the child regresses to a previous developmental stage – children start wetting the bed, crying, throwing tantrums, thumb sucking, etc.
• Sexualized/inappropriate behaviour – the child may look for closeness in sexual ways – playing sexual games with friends, constant masturbating, etc.
• Self-destructive behaviour – self mutilation, suicide thoughts and attempts, eating disorders, substance abuse, etc.
• Desensitisation – the child loses contact with herself and detach from their bodies – this helps the child protect themselves from the pain – emotionally and physically.
• Physical damage – physical pain and damage due to the abuse can differ from slight to extreme. This can also have a long term effect on the child's physical development.
3. WHEN A CHILD GETS RAPED AT A YOUNG AGE (3 YEARS AND YOUNGER) – IS THERE A POSSIBILITY THAT THE CHILD MIGHT RECALL THE INCIDENT?
The child might not remember the incident, but it has definite negative effects on the child's development. Childhood trauma is more damaging to younger children because the incident influences the child’s cognitive and emotional development – trauma also causes damage to the brain and can delay normal development. The child also does not understand what’s going on and the act of rape will be physically very painful and damaging.
4. SOME CHILDREN ARE SCARED TO DISCLOSE RAPE – WHY? WHAT SIGNS CAN PARENTS LOOK FOR?
In most cases children fear their parent’s reactions to the disclosure – especially if the perpetrator is known to the family. The fear that no one will believe them – or worse, that they would be separated from their family can be quite huge and all consuming.
The other aspect of fear is when children are threatened by the perpetrator not to tell anyone. They can threaten to hurt the child or their families.
The court and investigation process can also create fear of disclosure as it can be a long and painful process.
Children, more often than not, will show exposure to trauma in their behaviour – some children act out – angry hostile behaviour while other children will isolate and inflict self-harm. I do not encourage parents to immediately connect these changes in behaviour to rape, but the following can be signs:
• Sexually inappropriate behaviour and games involving other children
• More physical signs such as blood in the underwear, damage or sensitivity to genital areas, etc.
If, at any time, you as a parent are concerned about your child, I would recommend a forensic and a medical assessment.
5. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY OF HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH RAPE?
• A forensic investigation to determine the impact of the incident on the child
• Play therapy to help the child with the following: building a trusting relationship with an adult, expressing anger, sadness and fear, making healthy contact again with their bodies and helping them deal with feelings of shame and guilt. Help the child with body awareness and appropriate nurturing.
• Helping the parents to create a safe and supportive environment for the child.