Practical Ways to Be a “Good Enough” Parent Every Day
In our hectic world, parenting often feels like a high-wire act. Between work demands, school runs, extracurriculars, and social media’s pressure to be picture-perfect, feeling inadequate as a parent is common. But here is a vital truth: children do not need perfect because they need good enough.
The Roots of “Good-Enough” Parenting
Donald Winnicott first introduced the concept of the “good-enough mother” in 1953. He proposed that infants initially receive near-perfect responsiveness, but as time goes on, parental availability naturally wanes, allowing children to cope with manageable frustration. This “failure” however is not harmful, as it cultivates resilience and adaptation to reality.
Winnicott’s idea suggests that responding appropriately to a child’s needs just part of the time suffices. Recent interpretations propose that meeting emotional needs around 30% of the time is enough to support healthy development while the remaining 70% filled with spontaneous and imperfect moments teaches life lessons through emotional repair and adaptability. We therefore need to let go of perfection, and here are some tips to do so.
1. Mindful Moments (30–45 minutes daily)
Set intentional, device-free time with your child. Use it to listen, laugh, or share—without rushing to fix. These slices of presence do far more than perfection ever could.
2. Sleep is Non-Negotiable
Adequate rest is the backbone of effective parenting, since sleep deprivation erodes patience, mood, and resilience:
- Adults aim for 7–9 hours per night.
- Children require 9–12 hours, depending on their age.
3. Fuel Yourself
You matter too. Prioritize balanced meals with lean proteins, healthy fats, whole grains, and hydrate regularly. Our children often get well-balanced lunch boxes, but we try to survive by eating a snackbar and drinking five cups of coffee during the day.
4. Move for Dopamine
Just 30 minutes of physical activity boosts dopamine by enhancing mood, motivation, and stress resilience. Choose movement you enjoy, whether walking, dancing, or playing.
5. Unplug to Reconnect
Reserve at least 30 minutes each day for tech-free family time by playing games, reading a book together, cooking, eating together, or simply being present together can strengthen emotional bonds.
6. Long Intentional Hugs
Hold your child a little longer and make eye contact. I love the idea of a 10 second hug. This enhances oxytocin release, strengthening feelings of safety and belonging.
7. Self-Care Without Guilt
Rest when you are tired. Whether it is taking a nap, reading a book, enjoying a bath, or choosing a quiet moment. Remember self-care is replenishment, not indulgence.
8. Play and Let Them Lead
Playtime is the language of connection. Allow your child to guide the play, as this safe space nurtures creativity and emotional expression.
Striving to be a “good enough” parent is not settling, it is humanizing. Your child thrives not on perfection, but on presence, warmth, and the gentle art of growing together. When you model self-care, responsiveness, and joy – even imperfectly – you teach resilience and authentic connection.
The Author: Racheal Johnston (Social Worker specialising in Play Therapy)
More about Racheal Johnston: https://www.vitanova.co.za/meet-the-team/racheal-johnston/
To schedule a session with the author or any of our counsellors at Vita Nova, please contact us on 0712979992, or go to www.vitanova.co.za. We offer a range of counselling services and have interns that can provide you with assistance for free if you are not in a position to afford therapy.
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Help is always available.