Since I started teaching more than 10 years ago I have seen some very different parenting styles and trends over the years. I have also come to notice a few very vast differences that we are having to face and deal with as parents compared to that of our own parents. It is not easy to be a parent in today's life when our childhoods are so vastly different to that of our own offspring. We kind of want them to have same upbringing we had. The happy parts I mean. As parents we have no formal training (only on the job training!) and often only have our own parents as examples to go by (with a few tweaks here and there!). How can we be good parents if we cannot relate to some of the things that our children are dealing with today that we didn't have in our own childhood?
Here are some differences that I have noticed over the years. Please note that these are my own personal opinions and not conclusive of any research conducted by me other than just observations.
I don't know if the hours are physically getting shorter, but we don't seem to have enough time in the day for ourselves and our kids! I feel as if I'm always yelling at my children to hurry up about something, whether it is getting ready before school, eating a meal or an errand that has to be done. There seems to be a continuous sense of urgency and rushing around. Aren't all the new technological gadgets we have at our disposal supposed to make our lives easier and more relaxed?
Aaahh….new technological gadgets….this is a whole different topic and needs an article all by itself. I'll just say this about the topic, yes they can be good for children, oops I meant parents, but as with all things, in moderation please. I'll leave it at that for now.
One big change that I find hugely lacking in today's life is the social support of neighbours and friends. I feel as though I am always being judged for whatever decision I need to make on behalf of my children. And this is often by teachers, friends or family. The people we are supposed to depend on for support. And let's be honest, how many of you really know and talk to your neighbours? We always just seem to put on that smile that says “I'm coping just fine thanks” and give the friendly wave now and then.
I find it quite interesting to watch children’s parties sometimes while sitting at one of these new Tea Garden/Party Venues. Parties nowadays seem to be elaborately catered for and cost a fortune. Children often miss the importance of giving an actual gift to the birthday person and making them feel special. And let's not get into the whole discussion about rather making a gift for your friend instead of buying a gift. Children’s games (like ‘Pass the Parcel’ or 'Musical Chairs') seem to be a thing of the past.
That brings me to my next point. I find that children generally have too many toys to play with. How do you get around it when every other meal seems to come with a toy these days? What is this teaching our children? I have seen many children who have so many toys and yet still seem to demand instant gratification. They often don’t really PLAY with these toys and disregard their actual value. Losing a toy or even breaking one is of no significance as another one will be purchased soon or gotten in the next party pack.
The saddest of all is that even when our children have so many toys they lack the joy or adventure of actually playing with them. As a preschool teacher I've seen that there seems to be a festering lack of fantasy play amongst children these days. This has a huge impact on the child's social and emotional development. There are some vital life skills to be learnt through play. Children find it difficult to make up or decide on a game (leadership skills). Making up rules which everybody has a say in (management skills). Knowing it's ok to lose at a game (positive self esteem) and not needing or wanting parental supervision (independence and responsibility). Children tend not to have the need or urge to take out a board game and keep themselves entertained for a long time (self discipline). Children should be allowed to have squabbles here and there, but they need to be able to sort it out between themselves (problem solving skills). This is what our children are missing out on.
With all the private schools out there nowadays, and very few and far between government schools, we rarely find our children's school friends in a close vicinity for them to visit on their own. Their social interaction is often isolated (after school hours) and they don't have the opportunity to play with their friends from their own schools. And how will they get to their far away friends? Bicycles? Walk? And do we dare allow them to visit their friends without parental supervision? (often our own parental supervision because who knows what other parents allow these days). Do we know our children's friends' parents? Another point of discussion.
Of course the biggest change that needs to be mentioned is the fact that both parents are often forced to work just to be able to earn a basic living for their families. With the costs of basic needs of a family such as feeding, clothing, schooling, extra murals, etc, all adding up to huge amounts every month, who has much money left to spend on the fun stuff like a family trip to the zoo, the movies or an adventure park? Not to mention those memorable holidays on the to do list. Due to this new economic style of today’s life, our children are placed in schools from a very young age. Some as little as just a few months old, just after maternity leave has come to an end. Us parents are left feeling horribly guilty and even saddened by the fact that someone else is actually raising our children. Children are also left at crèches or schools for long hours every day just so that we can provide for them. This places a lot of pressure on us as parents and can affect our parenting role.
Our language has even changed. With words such as special needs, learning problems, ADD, ADHD, occupational therapy, physio therapy, autism, optometrist, paediatrician, school psychologist, counselling, allergies, special diet, speech therapy, dyslexia, etc, all being a part of our daily conversations seems quite the norm. Never mind that the topics of private schools, government schools, home schooling, colleges, etc, all add to the stresses of decisions we are faced with.
It's not all doom and gloom though. Our working hours are often flexi hours and not always restricted office hours, so we are able to put in a bit of extra time with our children if need be. Children are more informed due to technology and the internet. Their eagerness for more information on subjects that interest them are literally at their finger tips. The recent Olympic event held in London for instance. Children can really be a part of it while watching it in their living rooms. Our sport has always been very uniting for our country and so it is also with our children. We have more opportunities to find out our children's strengths and talents and so put in more effort and encouragement in these areas. Also at the other end of the scale we are able to find out their weaknesses or find out where they are struggling so that we can help them cope or overcome them.
So these are just a few changes that come to mind. None of them are really right or wrong, it's just what we are faced with as parents of today. How we choose to live them out is up to us as parents. I do however feel we need to support each other more in our decisions and choices we make. (And I thought choosing the right baby equipment was difficult!) It's a jungle out there. Good luck.
Happy parenting!
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