As a teacher I often get frustrated at the parenting that goes on out there. We really do see it all…… from ignorant parents to the over protective parents; parents that have never read any parenting books to those that are just plain lazy. But when I walk out my classroom in the afternoons and put on my own mommy hat, I can really relate to those parents who put in as little effort as possible. Not only am I absolutely exhausted after a long day's work, but I still have a million things on my 'to do' list. Add to that my children's 'to do' list for the afternoon and we get a good mix of irritations, tired bodies and minds and a whole lot of anxiety at having to get everything done properly by the next day.
Amongst all of this I still have to be a good mom and somehow put my children's needs before my own. But if I am feeling overwhelmed and anxious at times how are my children feeling? How am I going to be able to be there for them emotionally if I am on the brink of not coping with life's little pressures? Most working moms seem to feel this way some time or another.
Today's schooling is also a lot different to when I was at school. I'm helping my child with homework in Gr 1. I don't think we even got homework in Gr 1 back in the day. The debate is not whether this is good or bad, but rather whose job is it really to help my child cope.
I feel teachers are there to educate and teach our children. Aftercare is there for structured homework time (although not all homework is done at aftercare) and supervised play. The parent then still needs to check if all this is happening and working to the benefit of their child on a daily basis. We cannot assume that everything is being done on our behalf by these facilitators alone and expect our children to just cope on their own. That is too much responsibility for these already too adult children of today.
The emotional needs, the place where self esteem is built and encouraged and where children feel most loved no matter what, should be at home with their parents. Parents HAVE to make sure they are putting in their best effort in this area. Why? Because our children are one of life's biggest miracles we have been given. We have been handpicked and chosen to receive these precious gifts. It is our duty and responsibility to look after our children the best way we know how, no matter how tired we are or what high powered job we think we have. If we fail at being good parents we will be held accountable.
Now I'm not saying we must be perfect at it all the time. Parents make mistakes. I know I certainly have. Said the wrong thing now and then or allowed something to go ahead when I know I shouldn't have. (Teachers also get to hear about these mistakes which the children blatantly blab about!). But we as parents do need to make a concerted effort all the time.
Some useful tips: Take time to focus on your children for the first 20 minutes when you get home from work. Ask them about their day. Show some interest in their little lives. They will start to look forward to these chats or little interactions. It will make a huge difference for their teenage years if those communication lines are already open. Go to a sport practice if you know you won't make it to the actual game. Their face will light up to see you there. If they can read, write a little “I love you” note and put n their lunch box. Remember small things can make a big difference.
It doesn't matter if you are a working parent or not or how many mommy hrs you clock in at the end of the day, as long as your child feels loved, secure and happy, you're doing a great job!
Happy parenting!
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