Some parents have been planning and waiting for this day to finally arrive……the day their child goes off to Nursery School (be it pre-school, crèche, or a day mother). We have prepared our children, our new route to drive and even errands we could do along the way. What we are not prepared for, you see, is that it doesn’t matter where your child is going on that first day, it can sometimes be very overwhelming. It is often more so for the parent than for the child.
The truth is, we can prepare ourselves and our children as much as we like, there’s no telling what will happen on that first day. I’ve seen some confident children burst into tears and those that I expect to be unsure of themselves basically push mom out the door! And isn’t it so strange that when your child is one of those confident children waving you off and going to class very positively, it becomes the parent who needs to wipe a tear or two away.
The trick to that first big day is to keep OUR emotions out the way so that our children are able to fully express theirs. How do we do this when we are so scared, anxious, relieved, proud or just plain overwhelmed?! I have prepared a list of do’s and don’ts that might help the unprepared parent.
DON’T
· Stand around too long, especially if your child is crying. The teacher will try to calm them down and gently settle them in to the daily routine. This is very difficult for the teacher to do if mom or dad is still there.
· Try and tell the teacher a long list of allergies or musts that your child needs during the day. Make sure you have written or typed everything out and left a letter for the teacher in your child’s school bag. Let the teacher know about the letter and get on with the greeting.
· Leave without greeting your child with a proper hug and kiss. Don’t run out the class when your child is not looking. Your child might feel abandoned and will keep looking for you the whole day.
· Make promises you can’t keep. Don’t tell your child you will fetch her/him if she/he cries too much unless you can actually do that. Don’t tell them you are coming early if you are not. You are lying to your child and teaching them that they can’t trust you.
· Offer treats as a reward for showing no tears. A child should be free to express their emotions no matter how they are feeling. Rather reward them with positive affirmation and lots of hugs at the end of a day. A reward or treat at the end of the week would be a better idea if you feel the need to.
· Compare them to others in the class who are not crying.
· Don’t say things like: “don’t be silly”, “only babies cry”, or “brave (or big) girls/boys don’t cry”.
DO
· Give your child over to the teacher if they are crying. Don’t just greet and leave them crying unattended to in the classroom.
· Make arrangements for some extra time on that morning, and the next few mornings just in case your child does not settle well.
· Tell them that you are leaving when you say goodbye.
· Talk to your child during the holidays or days before the first day so as to prepare your child for the big day. Be positive about it. Buy a school bag, lunch box or special juice box for the occasion. Let them choose one of the items themselves.
· Talk to them about their feelings. Allow them to tell you how they feel. Fetch them with a cheerful hug and smile and not a clingy hug as if you’re never going to leave them again.
· Ask about their day. Talk positively about friends and teachers.
Remember that this first day is just as hectic for the teacher. Not only does she have to keep all the children settled, she also has to cope with new parents who meet her for the first time that morning. This can be quite daunting for the teacher. Feel free to phone the school during the day and ask whether your child has settled down. The teacher will phone if there is a problem or if your child doesn’t settle down during the morning.
We as parents also need to express OUR emotions. If you are feeling overwhelmed, and feel the need to shed some tears, try and keep them for the drive back home or to work when your child does not see you. If your child sees you sobbing, the connection between school and mom’s tears can easily be made. They might think something about them going to school is making mom or dad sad. Talk and share your emotions with a parent or teacher who has been through this before. Often we just need a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.
Again, they key is to keep positive. Try to keep all talk about school positive. Don’t forget to carry on with chores and duties as normal and don’t focus too much on just talking about school. There will be many days of school to follow, it’s only just begun!
Happy parenting!
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