Published on Thursday, July 10, 2014

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

You are past the point of being in trouble, your relationship is on the rocks and you both know it. Sure you might have flirted with the idea of attending marriage counselling, but the question that is haunting you is; does marriage counselling actually work or is it a huge waste of time and money?

What makes the situation even worse is the multitude of opinions coming from friends and family regarding counselling! You hear from one couple that it’s the best thing they could ever have done for their relationship, another couple told you how they spent an absolute fortune on seeing someone who only nodded and smiled through their fights and arguments week after week…

Let me answer the burning question for you – yes, I am biased, I am after all a marriage counsellor by profession, but here is what my experience has taught me:

Marriage counselling is by no means a magic wand that will make all your problems disappear.

As with any self-help book, inspirational DVD or interesting and useful advice, marriage counselling is only as effective as you make it. You can have a whole collection of books in your library on how to better your understanding of one another, but if you don’t actually make the time to read the books and try to apply the knowledge actively in your life – it cannot and will not be of any use to you.

I often explain it as follows; if you are planning on building a house; you draw up the plans, and you buy all the tools and material needed to do so. The tools and material then get delivered to your house and voila; you have everything needed to build your dream home…

But surprize – surprize, this house doesn’t build itself! You have to roll up your sleeves and start working! And it’s exactly the same with counselling.

Therefore, when you decide to come for marriage counselling, make very sure of your motives. Are you coming with the sole intent of pointing out your partners flaws, are you coming with the idea that the counsellor will say some magic words so as to change you, your situation, your partner…

Marriage counselling – with a good counsellor, will help you understand yourself better, help you get to know your partner better. You will learn new and interesting ways in which to communicate and love each other, how to trust and respect each other, how to be a better partner!

But if you don’t choose to apply this knowledge, you are wasting your time and money. If you aren’t willing to work on your own self and search for your contribution to all of this, think again. If you however, are open minded, willing to learn, to adapt and to change (not who you are, but how you are), marriage counselling can and will benefit you immensely!

Make the choice today – things can’t go on the way they’re going. Something needs to change, why not make that call today, you decide to actively jump in and save this relationship – and ill help you every step of the way!

For more information go to my Marriage Counseling page


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Author: Anri van den Berg

Categories: Communication, Marriage, Relationships

Tags: Relationship, Marriage Counselling

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Anri van den Berg
Anri van den Berg>

Anri van den Berg

I truly enjoy working with people of all ages; and I wholeheartedly believe that I can, and do undoubtedly add value to every life through the work I do in my practice; Vita Nova Counselling

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